Boundaries

Firstly, Happy New Year to you, Happy New Year to me, and Happy New Year to everybody! If you’re a regular, welcome back, and thank you for your continuous support. If you’re new here, welcome! I’m so glad you’re joining us today.

So, today we’re talking about boundaries, and I think it’s the perfect topic to kick off the new year. If I remember correctly, I promised to talk about this in my musing titled “No.”

If you haven’t read it yet, you definitely should.

Saying "No" is very crucial.

I’ve always known what the word “boundary” means, but I didn’t truly understand its weight until recently. My therapist—God bless her—after listening to me yapping, ranting, huffing and puffing for an hour, looked at me and said, “Tobi, do you know about boundaries?” And honestly, the rest is history.

If you grew up in a Nigerian household like I did, you probably weren’t taught much about boundaries. It was more like, “Just accept it, suck it up, and keep it moving.” Now, if you're reading this and you're an adult with some level of control over your life, it’s time to start enforcing those boundaries. And if you don’t think of yourself as an adult yet, it’ll do you good to start learning now.

One of the things I love about boundaries is how they can show up in so many different areas of life. Let me give you a few examples:

Let’s say you have a $1,000 budget for the month and you’ve already decided how to break it down. Then your cousin or sister calls, saying they’re in a tight spot and need $250. But you’ve already set your limit for “people in tight spots”, and that limit is $100. Once that $100 is gone, you don’t go beyond it, no matter how much they beg. That’s a boundary.

You have a routine: wake up at 5 a.m. to hit the gym, meditate at 6:30 p.m., and be in bed by 9 p.m. But someone just loves calling you during your meditation time. Maybe you let it slide the first time, but when it happens again, you tell them, that you are busy at that time and maybe y’all can talk later. That’s a boundary.

You have a friend who constantly unloads their struggles on you. At first, you’re there for them, but eventually, you start feeling emotionally drained. One day, they call again, and you let them know, that you indeed care for them but you can’t keep having this conversation as of right now. Or, if you’ve been at this for a while and they’re not trying to help themselves, you might decide that you can’t have the conversation anymore. That’s a boundary.

These are just a few examples of what boundaries can look like—material, emotional, physical, and more. But I don’t want this write-up to be too long. I’m not a professor, I’m just random Tola.

Having boundaries will save your life, and I’m so serious. They are essential for your health, for your mental well-being, and for the continuous joy in your life.

Boundaries are about you CHOOSING yourself, PROTECTING yourself.

And like they say “Boundaries are not walls; they are gates.” You are not trying to tell people to fuck off you are just choosing when, who and how people pass through your gate.

But let’s be real. Is it easy? No. Can it be done? Yes. Can it become a habit? Yes.

Will people be hurt or uncomfortable? Yes. Will you be okay in the end? Yes. Will they be okay in the end? Yes.

So, better pattern up.

You are the one who decides what happens in your life.

Your life is very important.

 Sage Roses ❁